Post by Gypsy rogue on Aug 24, 2006 10:49:43 GMT
Hey guys,
I'm suicidal and depressed. Need you lot to cheer me up.
I've just got back from the doctors for the 6th time in 2 weeks and he has put me back on good ol' Prozac (again). I told him that I didn't want to take any more pills but he just brushed me off. (- Last time I went on Prozac the side-effects were so violent I almost killed myself.) My doctor (apparently one of the best in France) tells me that I'm 20 years old and have *only* been suffering from Bordeline Personality Disorder for the past six years -(he says that like its not a long time) and that things can only get better. He then turns to my mum and (in a whisper) says that if things don't improve we may have to consider hospitalization *again* - Last time I went there I came out hocked up on enough anti- depressents to make a barrel of ravers on Nitrus Oxide look down right tame.
My phycotic crying fits have gone from one or two a week to 3 or 4 a day. Mum doesn't even feel sorry for me anymore as she has grown so accustom to them. She used to hug me but she doesn't bother now. Sometimes I think she wishes that I would just bugger off so that she can be rid of me once and for all. I don't blame her. - Nobody bothers to care for long. She just sighs all the time and says, ''Ro, I just don't know what to do any more.'' Shes stopped even trying to find a cure.
I was told that a years worth of therapy would cure me - that was 6 years ago. I ask my therapist how I can get better and he just says, ''How do you think that you can get better?'' If I knew that I wouldn't be asking.
Beetlejuice has got used to me sobbing (well, wailing actually) in the corner of her stable, on her back, over her haynet....etc. Even the stallions, a sensitive lot, just stand and watch whilst I scream and shout and throw things about. They have these looks on their faces as if to say, ''Ohhhh shes doing that again.''
For those of you that don't know what Borderline Personality Disorder is heres a clipnotes version...
[reading from a book] "Borderline Personality Disorder. An instability of self-image, relationships and mood... uncertain about goals, impulsive in activities that are self-damaging. Social contrariness and a generally pessimistic attitude are often observed."
So thats me...... apperntly. I don't know how talking about things is supposed to cure it, but they keep saying that it does. I hate my therapist.
I don't know why I'm ranting on here, but I'm just sick of doctors, sick of therapists, sick of pills and mostly..I'm sick of myself. And I just wanted to come someplace where someone would listen to me.... So I came here.
Can you guys cheer me up any??
I hate humanity but I love you all.
Gypsy Rogue
I'm suicidal and depressed. Need you lot to cheer me up.
I've just got back from the doctors for the 6th time in 2 weeks and he has put me back on good ol' Prozac (again). I told him that I didn't want to take any more pills but he just brushed me off. (- Last time I went on Prozac the side-effects were so violent I almost killed myself.) My doctor (apparently one of the best in France) tells me that I'm 20 years old and have *only* been suffering from Bordeline Personality Disorder for the past six years -(he says that like its not a long time) and that things can only get better. He then turns to my mum and (in a whisper) says that if things don't improve we may have to consider hospitalization *again* - Last time I went there I came out hocked up on enough anti- depressents to make a barrel of ravers on Nitrus Oxide look down right tame.
My phycotic crying fits have gone from one or two a week to 3 or 4 a day. Mum doesn't even feel sorry for me anymore as she has grown so accustom to them. She used to hug me but she doesn't bother now. Sometimes I think she wishes that I would just bugger off so that she can be rid of me once and for all. I don't blame her. - Nobody bothers to care for long. She just sighs all the time and says, ''Ro, I just don't know what to do any more.'' Shes stopped even trying to find a cure.
I was told that a years worth of therapy would cure me - that was 6 years ago. I ask my therapist how I can get better and he just says, ''How do you think that you can get better?'' If I knew that I wouldn't be asking.
Beetlejuice has got used to me sobbing (well, wailing actually) in the corner of her stable, on her back, over her haynet....etc. Even the stallions, a sensitive lot, just stand and watch whilst I scream and shout and throw things about. They have these looks on their faces as if to say, ''Ohhhh shes doing that again.''
For those of you that don't know what Borderline Personality Disorder is heres a clipnotes version...
[reading from a book] "Borderline Personality Disorder. An instability of self-image, relationships and mood... uncertain about goals, impulsive in activities that are self-damaging. Social contrariness and a generally pessimistic attitude are often observed."
So thats me...... apperntly. I don't know how talking about things is supposed to cure it, but they keep saying that it does. I hate my therapist.
I don't know why I'm ranting on here, but I'm just sick of doctors, sick of therapists, sick of pills and mostly..I'm sick of myself. And I just wanted to come someplace where someone would listen to me.... So I came here.
Can you guys cheer me up any??
I hate humanity but I love you all.
Gypsy Rogue
